Aneurysm Testing?

I know I've talked about it a million times but, as you probably know by now, 40% of us have brain aneurysms, which "can rupture, causing intracranial hemmorhage and death in 8-11% of patients".

I'm not sure if that means 8-11% of the 40% or 8-11% of total patients.

Either way, it's enough to bother me. I'm a bit nervous I may be one of the 40%. So, I've been thinking (and I'm really anticipating my next nephrology appointment) of getting that checked out. I'm not sure where to start, but I'm insured now, and I'd love to take advantage of that.

But then I think about the results. What if I am one of those 40%? What would I do? Would I freak out? Could I sleep at night? Or would I be relieved and glad to know it's being monitored? In fact, if it's sizable, they could coil/fix it. That way, there would be no worries at all. But then again, if they're not big enough, they won't do anything but "watch" them. What then?

I usually like knowing what's going on with my body. It makes all the changes less scary and worrisome, and it makes me feel empowered about these things I'm otherwise powerless over. But, with PKD, it had a major downside of knowing there are two nasty things growing in my body. That I am powerless to fix my symptoms, that many of my symptoms were not even related, that this is progressive, that I am alone.

So what could this bring, if aneurysms are discovered? What bad things could come of that? Is it worth the worry it might cause? What about the positives that could come of it? No more unknown. No more senseless concern. My life might even be saved.

I wanna do it.

My Indoor Bike

As you may or may not know, my sweet husband bought me an exercise bike for our 2 year anniversary. No, it wasn't because he thinks I'm fat. No, it wasn't because I think I'm fat (I am overweight, but I'm too lazy to care). I realize I haven't really told anyone why I wanted it in the first place. I love telling everyone how strong I've gotten - I really have, I gain muscle like a champ! - but not why. So I worry everyone thinks I'm hiding some kind of emotionally abusive relationship.

It's not that at all. In fact, it's much more embarrassing and painful.

I wanted it because I want my body to look it's best while it can. You know, before PKD belly sets in.

PKD belly is not a gross thing. On most people, you hardly notice it and, if you're a female, most people just assume you're pregnant and all is well. But I am happy with the proportion of my waistline to my hips. My waistline makes my hips. My breast size is nothing to write home about, my tummy is loved by some and hated by me, and everything from the neck up is...just okay most of the time.

My waist-to-hip ratio is all I have, and PKD belly would destroy that. I just don't think I could feel pretty or attractive if that was taken away. I'm terrified, really, but what can you do? Nothing. Except "have a good attitude" about it and let it happen.

So I am, but I want to really enjoy my body first.

And I guess I am liking it more. I do thoroughly enjoy being strong. Feeling strong. Having more stamina. It's nice to fast-walk between classes without getting winded. I'm not losing any weight, but I'm pretty satisfied with the results. And I guess that's what this is all about. Getting stronger. Furnace of affliction and all.

Cheers, especially to any PKD readers out there.